I'm packing up my existence into about eight boxes. After I finish packing, I'll post the final number. It tends to vary. This year will be my second move in and I'm no less nervous. Beginnings are a funny sort of time for me. I want to do be my best as everyone else does but I feel hesistation to step into future. I worry about all the things that will happen too much.The excitement doesn't hit me until I'm just about to be there. The time before that consists of procrastination and a general lack of the "I give a shit" attitude. I wish I could give a shit but I think that it's just how I react to a upcoming stressful situation.

Anyhow, that is what I am up to at them moment. I want to eat dinner now. I'm thinking I'll make a turkey sandwich, salad, and some sweet potato fries. Yummy! Hmmm...I was going to to write a longish post but now that my boyfriend is on that desire is fading. I got my passport papers and photos in today and I'm ready to buy my plane ticket. So...food, talk to Mikey while packing, and then buy my ticket. Yus.

Oh! And you guys should check out Pandora radio if you have a chance. I'm addicted to it now. Eek! I don't need anymore addictions!

You know that whole bit about how life gives you lemons?

My body feels like it is has little bugs crawling all over. The bugs crawl amongst the short hairs on my arms and legs and stab and stab and stab. I don't think I can shake them off. They won't leave. They persistently remind me that I am helpless. I haven't felt helpless in a while. I've felt stronger than I've ever felt this year. Regardless of the pain of distance, I've felt true happiness. But suddenly these little bugs appeared and reminded me that the "cage" is still there. I know I can't please everyone. I know that some people won't understand where I am or why I do the things I do. But I also know that I wouldn't make any different choices. I don't regret anything. I put a lot of faith and trust in one person and he didn't turn out to be anyone else.

I understand that there is a lot of stigma against online relationships. There are a lot of weirdos out there that use the internet as a medium to lure victims. For example, a young pregnant woman met a woman off craigslist who killed her and cut her baby out of her stomach. The baby died and the woman was caught. That is a heck of a price tag for trust. But this is one singular tragic case. This does not represent all of the friendships and relationships that spring up because of the internet. This does not mean that one can not trust people online. These same tragedies can happen without the internet as a medium. How did murderers hundreds of years ago and today find victims? Oh yeah... IN PERSON. People are just as likely to run into such a person in daily life without the help of the internet.

With the exception of a handful, everyone I know uses the internet. None of these people as far as I know are dangerous. They are not hunting down people to kill or rape. Therefore, it is wrong to assume that everyone a person meets online is a homicidal maniac out to get them. Everyday, nice, friendly people use the internet too. Everyday, nice, friendly people IN OTHER COUNTRIES use the internet too. Foreign people aren't any different than Americans. I don't even know where the idea came from that all foreigners are not to be trusted. Afterall, the United States is a country made up of immigrants. If one starts to point fingers, they should take a close look to their ancestry. I bet almost all of them that their ancestors are not natives.

All this text above this paragraph doesn't click for some people. They seem to ignore reason and listen to the television who glorifies every bad case and acts like this will happen every time you try to meet someone from online. It's ridiculous and it angers me because these people have brainwashed some of my family. At this moment, my 13 year old cousin is not allowed to talk to me because I'm a bad influence. Supposedly, I will set her up to meet pedophiles online. I am a danger to her and her little brother's safety. It's stupid to believe that I would do this to them. I can't even register this bull in my head; it's so dumb.

Furthermore, she judged my relationship with my boyfriend before she has even fucking met the guy. She says that it's a phase and it won't last. A person doesn't spend hours everyday talking to a person for nearly a year if they're not serious. (It has been over a year since I've known him but it won't be a full year that I've known he's liked me till July 1st.) A person doesn't fly over 4000 miles to meet someone if they are not serious. A person doesn't invite them to stay at their house thousands of miles away for Christmas if they're not serious. A person doesn't plan on visiting again and again with hours and hours of flying if they're not serious. I'm so angry I could spit. And if you know me well enough, you know I HATE spit.

My mom has been understanding of our relationship. She likes him. She even invited him to stay during my spring break. She drove him to Waco to see me one last time before she dropped him off at the airport. She dropped me off at his hotel the second weekend ( I had classes that week). I may be really mad at my mom sometimes but I must admit that she tries to understand where I stand. She doesn't narrow herself to the smaller picture AKA the TELEVISION. I think it's because she has grown to trust my judgement. She has been with me to meet some youtubers. And knows that I have met other people from online. But here comes my aunt with all her ridiculous notions of who I am and what my relationship will become. She should get that stick out of her ass, unglue her eyes from the television, and find out first hand what I am like and where I stand. I have not had a decent talk with her since I was 13. And I'm sorry to disappoint you, dear Auntie, but I have grown, matured, and changed in six years. I also think that you sorely misjudge your daughter's maturity and strength. She is not a maleable kid. I think she will grow into a strong, smart young woman. I mean...Come on,what 13 year old, sees reason in her parents' protectiveness even if it is getting in the way of what she wants? Most would complain that their parents are stupid. This girl understands why her parents are acting the way they are...

My aunt may not understand why I like to talk to my 13 year old cousin (I guess she doesn't see her maturity) but that doesn't mean I will let her just cut me off from my cousin. She is one of the only family members that I like, regardless of our shared blood. I ACTUALLY like her. And I'm not about to lose a family member that I like because that is PRICELESS. One can't pick who their family is but when one happens to get a choice individual ( :P ), like hell are they going to cut them out of their life just like that.... I'm not going to let her win. Even if I have to wait till my cousin is 18, I will.

Buying pretty underwear, coughing, and trying not to munch on almonds

Tonight was interesting. I looked for pretty underwear and bras. I bought two bras. And then I was GOING to buy underwear when it happened. Yes, "it". "It" was an error in fact. A store website went crazy on me and charged my card but didn't place an order. I was heartbroken then a bit angry. I wrote a polite yet warm email to them explaining the situation and provided a screen shot. Then shakily I called my bank to inform them. I was quite nervous but I was speedily connected to a banker. I can't remember his name which is sad because he seemed like a very nice man. He told me what was to unfold over the next two days very professionally. Then I told him "Thank you". I think that kind of shocked him or at least the warm tone I used because he paused as if surprised and said," But I didn't do anything". I love those kind of moments. :D Surprising or shocking people is fun.

As for the hacking and the coughing... Well, I can't seem to get rid of this cough. I hope I get rid of it before spring break or I'll probably pass it to Mike. X_X And it's a killer cold. This is my fifth week hosting it. Run away, Mike! RUN-A-WAYYYYYYY! :P The almonds helped a bit by scraping it but every time I put one in my mouth I think, "This is seven calories...and this is seven calories.....oh god that's like a 45 second work out for TWO almonds. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Anywho, I must sleep but I felt like sharing. :P

On Class time

"It goes from 8:00 to 8:55, ja? " (German Professor)

"Nein. No." (class)

" Aw. I thought I could steal a few minutes from you." (German Professor)

On Abortion

Some animals eat their babies. Be thankful that we don't.

-Stephy


(If I quoted you wrong Stephy, tell me. I know it was something like that. :D )

The Death Of A Frie--oeish

The Beginning

It was like any other day on holiday. I woke up late and immediately turned to my computer and turned it on. But this time, it was different. The computer came to a blue screen. It told me that I had an UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME. So, naturally, as this has happened six or seven times before, I tried to restore the computer. True, I would lose all my data. However, a working computer without data is much superior to a computer that is dead with data.

The Middle

Two hours later, a failed restore, and an upgrading of quicktime that lasted near 45 minutes, I was on Dell chat, trying to figure out what the FUCK was going on with my lovely bundle of plastic. Because the fruitfulness of the interwebs was lacking yesterday...In fact, it was no help what so ever. And Dell chat? Well, the guy only confirmed my fears after running in circles for two more hours. No offense to the guy, he was trying his best to understand my English. I guess I was throwing around too many big words. I have no idea. Although, eventually, he figured out what I meant by the harddrive having problems.

The Conclusion

My harddrive has made his way to the afterlife. I can only assume it is a nicer place, full of other little harddrives and motherboards. But what I don't understand is why he had to gooooooo!!!!! Whyyyyyyyy, Mommy, whyyyyyyyy???

Okay, I'll cut the crap. It's 5:11 am as I'm typing this worthless dribble. I'm on a shitty ass computer who shall now be later refered to as Geezer. Anyway, I need to go and make Sir Geezer get on the move because I'm certainly not getting any younger. And at this rate, I'll hit 35 before I can open Microsoft word. Ta ta!

ash